Sunday, July 31, 2011

Tale of Two Titties - the end of a SAGa

This has been a long SAGa. It started March 2nd, 2011 and finally ended July 20th! I am going to spare you the details of the issues with infection, abscesses, packing, numerous antibiotics...lets just say the last day that I needed to pack was June 20th. I was booked for the second surgery on July 20th to 'fix' the left tata.

Because of the packing and abscess, there was some deformation of the breast, and to be absolutely honest with you, it looked like a vagina! There was also a large lump which was fat and tissue...medical reason I cannot explain, but it was gross and it was painful...thus the reason I went back in for more surgery.

I love my surgeon. He was very kind, remembered everything you told him...I assume he is really, really smart, this is why he became a Doctor...which would include an amazing memory. He was very handsome, prematurely gray, and rather shy..which stikes me strange considering he is looking at women's breasts all the time.

When I was in the surgical room, while I was being prepped, I told the Surgeon that my breast resembled a vagina. He blushed, and said "well we can't have that can we?" The nurse asked him "have what". He went over to her side of the room, and told her that "she said her breast resembles a (and he whispered this) vagina!" There were 4 of us in the room. I knew my breast looked like a vagina, the Surgeon now knew it looked like a vagina, and now the nurse the only other person that wasn't aware it looked like a vagina was the Anesthetist. Was he whispering because he didn't want the him to know, or did he think he was saying a dirty word, or perhaps he just wanted to keep it a surprise for the Anesthetist when my breast is revealed?

I woke up in recovery, it was a 2 hour surgery for some reason. They paged my husband Mike to come in and keep me company while I tried to wake up. For some reason, I always get jittery when I wake up from the anesthetic, I need to sit up...I feel like I am smothering. I sat up, swinging my legs to the side of the bed when I noticed that there was a man across the room sitting with his wife looking at me with eyes opened wide. It was then that I realized I flashed a complete stranger. I quickly pulled down the hospital gown. I looked over at him and he was moving his head slowly peeking around the curtain to get another look at my junk!

It was very comical to see him peeking over, it almost resembled something you would see on a Looney Tune is also very comical that anyone would want to take a second glance at my junk. Did he like what he saw, or was it curiosity, or was it like a train wreck and you can't look away...anyway I covered myself up with the sheet and he went back behind the curtain.

The surgeon came in to let me know how the surgery went, told me about a drain that I would have to deal with for a few days, and that my breast no longer looked like.....he blushed and stuttered a bit...'a vagina' I filled in the blank....he laughed. Mike just sat there shaking his head, astonished that I would tell the doctor my breast resembled a vagina.

Well it has been 10 days now, I have healed very well, my left and right tatas look the same and are actually pretty nice. I won't be flashing them anytime soon, but I am happy with the result and very happy this ordeal is over.

Would I do this again? I am asked that a lot. Yes, I would do it again. There were a few weeks that were hell. It didn't hurt a hurt but g its not the worst pain Ive experienced. I'm happy that I don't trip over my breasts when I am braless. I am happy that I don't have to carry those massive mams around. I am happy that I don't have the headaches or backaches anymore. I am also happy that I don't look like Moms Mabley anymore. (young people, you will have to Google Moms)