Thursday, April 22, 2010

April 22, 2010

I watched Idol Gives Back last night. I ended up changing the channel because it was depressing me and I never did find you who was sent home....but today I thought about it a lot. There were so many children in Ethiopia and other cities in Africa and other third world countries, that have seen more pain that I could ever imagine. They lost their parents, some have HIV, some are starving, some of the young girls ran away because they were forced to marry sometimes as young as 5 years old or female circumcision...and you know what stuck in my mind? What all these children had in common? They were SMILING! They were smiling, enjoying the life - has horrid as it was - as if it was a gift!

I am as guilty as the rest of the miserable people in the world, that seems to have everything, but not happy enough. That our house isn't big enough, we have a lot of bills, our car is older, I can't find a decent hairdresser, I have to do laundry, I have to clean the house, I have to clean my car, I have to go to work! In our lifestyle, it seems like a burden to have to do laundry, but when I think of these people that have to take their rags down to the river and hammer them with rocks; throwing a load in the washer and walking away isn't so bad!

I don't want to sound like - 'eat your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa' I don't want it to be that trivial. I am going deeper than that.

Ever notice people with Cancer have the most positive attitude than most? Why is that? Because they know they could die tomorrow, that they are very sick, and they are suddenly appreciating the life they used to bitch and complain about. Same thing with these precious kids in Africa, they were smiling. They weren't going to McDonalds for dinner, in fact they may not be having dinner, but for the once sweet moment they were enjoying it. Is it because their life is so full of hate and fear and death, that through survival, they have taught themselves to enjoy the simple, and perhaps short happy moment because it could be their last!

I speak to people everyday who are angry about mistakes, or angry about their invoice for a luxury item. I feel like telling them, this is just an invoice...I didn't steal your kidney, pummel your village, rape your sister. It isn't life or death.

I'm not trying to make the readers feel guilty, and I'm not asking you to donate to a charity, I am asking you to look at the big picture. I'm asking to use these sweet children as an example, to enjoy life for that moment. To love, laugh, and enjoy your life to the fullest, enjoy the moment like it was your last. I guess that is what the person was thinking that said "Sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching" It isn't exactly literal, it is saying enjoy your life, enjoy the simple things, do what makes you happy, and who gives a shit....

Now, my mission is I have to Google and see who was cut on American Idol last night.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

April 21, 2010

My son used to think I looked like Elizabeth Taylor! When he was a toddler, he used to show me a magazine with Liz on the cover and point and say "mommy!". There she was in all her beauty with her violet eyes, and that sweet baby of mine thought I looked like her! Bless him!

I know kids say the funniest things, and so much so Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby made millions just asking cute or homely kids simple questions. Things like "Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt and then he wears it every day" or "Love is when my mom sees my daddy all sweaty and smelly and still says he's still handsomer than Robert Redford" or "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas and you stop opening presents and listen!"

Kids are so perceptive! They figure stuff out, even though they don't know the words to describe it, they still get it...."love is what makes you smile when you are tired!". The expression 'out of the mouths of babes' is so true. 'Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn't think it's gross'. My favourite is 'When my Grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend down and paint her toenails, so my Grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands has arthritis too! That's love".

The truest comment he ever made was when he was about 5 or 6. We lived in Toronto, and every morning I'd drive him to his daycare centre. It was out of my way but I wanted to get him in a daycare that I liked and was close to my parents if he needed them. He would sit in his little car seat and talk away about his day. He would talk nonstop from the moment I picked him up until he would ask to go to bed at 7 pm. I used to be able to turn it off and think about something else, or my mind might wander over something that happened at work that day...but I would turn my attention back to him and he would still be talking...I would say hmm hmmm or really. He was very observant, and noticed people on the street and in cars beside us while driving.

One day we went to White Rose, and he was sitting in the buggy, again talking. Every time I went up an aisle, there was an East Indian man with a gorgeous shade of purple turban in my way. I would go up another aisle to get around him and when I came up another aisle he was there again. He was in my way the entire shopping trip, even when I went to pay, he butt in line. I was at my wits end when I got in the car. I was backing out of the parking spot, and the same man with the Purple turban was backing up too and stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Finally I said "Oh my God, what is with this guy, he is in my way all the time" and my son peeps up and says "I know, I was going to say to him, get out of our way Mr. Taxi driver!" I said why would you call him a taxi driver? He said "He has a taxi driver's hat on!" This sweet boy was looking in all the taxis in our travels and to him, the turban was part of the uniform for a taxi driver!!!

I laughed for hours, I still giggle about it.

My favourite was every Christmas holiday between Boxing Day and New Years, my son and I would drive to Buffalo and stay for a few days in the Hilton, and swim and shop. I suppose it was the Christmas season which confused him because one year, he was around 7 or 8 while driving over the Burlington Skyway, and through Hamilton, he said "This is a horrible place for Jesus to be born!" I asked him what he meant. He said that "if Jesus was born here, why don't they clean it up". I said that this is HAMILTON, Jesus was born in Bethlehem! 'Ohhhh, that's good, but all these years, I thought this is where Jesus was born!!!"

I'm not saying I am as beautiful as Liz, but in my child's eyes I was as beautiful as a movie star!

Monday, April 19, 2010

April 19, 2010

I often wonder, what happens when you die. When you stop breathing, are you just no more? or does your soul move to Heaven...or Hell? Is there such a thing as a soul? Is there such a thing as Heaven and is there such a thing as Hell?

It is terrifying to think that when you stop breathing, and you have no more brain activity that this is the end. Nothing, you don't exist anymore - anywhere. This could be why people believe in religion and God and everlasting life. Intelligently I am struggling with the idea, emotionally I believe. I think that most religious people have that small doubt in the back of their mind and that is OK.

I started going to church a few years ago, and the minister (Terry) was in his 40's, and was very easy to talk to. I told him that I was struggling sometimes with doubt, and I know we are supposed to have faith which should eliminate the doubt, and I felt guilty.

I had a friend that had 5 kids, and her husband was killed in a car accident. About 5 or 6 years later, she met a man who actually embraced the fact she had 5 kids and that is an amazing feat to find someone, especially to find someone that is OK with 5 kids. Well about 2 years later she died of cancer! Terry knew my friend and the circumstances, and I told him that this is an example of why I doubt sometimes. He told me that maybe God brought the boyfriend into the picture, to look after the 5 kids...maybe, I said, but I didn't like it...

Terry told me that everyone doubts, and it is OK to doubt, and sometimes, yes, he doubts. So then I started enjoying going to Church, because I could go and sing and pray and not feel guilty that I had a hard time buying everything.

I'd like to think that reincarnation is real. I wonder if you come back numerous times until you get it right. When you finally get it right, you get to go to heaven. Could be why there are really 'good' people and really 'evil' people. I think this because some people are 'old souls' even at a very young age, as if they have been here before. They have intuition and perception that usually comes from experience.

I also would like to believe that the soul can visit the living in their dreams. I mentioned before that I believe my grandfather visits me in dreams and we just talk, it isn't drama or imaginary. When he says he has to go I don't panic, I have peace and I wake up in the morning very serene and content. My mother tells me all the time when she dies, that she will visit me nightly so we can talk as we are very close and I believe it is possible.

I don't know if there is Hell, and it terrifies me. I couldn't sleep in my own room for 2 weeks after seeing the Exorcist and I want to believe that instead of Hell you are sent back out to do it again and again before you get it right...maybe as a bat, or a beaver or a rat...and move upwards to a human before you deserve to go to Heaven.

Either way I look at it, I refuse to believe that when you die, that this is the end of you and your soul. I believe that everything that you experienced and loved and who loved you would all have been a waste of time and the God I love and believe in wouldn't do that.