Saturday, April 10, 2010

April 10, 2010

Part 2 - Cuba

Day after the junk exposure, I was so sun burned, that I had to lay in the shade all day. BFF , having a darker complexion than me was able to toast herself darker. I can't put into words how relaxed I was. I didn't have to do anything. I read 3 books, I had at least 50 naps. I had a massage on the beach (not very enjoyable with the grinding of sand with oil all over my shoulder blades, but it was exfoliating!) It was comfortable enough that we didn't have to talk, we just read, slept, drank, smoked, peed in the ocean, took pics of Speedos. Except for the peeing in the ocean we did everything in a horizontal position.

The weather was perfect, the breeze was just right, the only time we got up (except to pee) was to go eat. I had a perfect lounger that was under a palm umbrella, by the wedding chapel on the beach. It was decorated in white gauzy curtains, blowing in the wind...very romantic, very beautiful. I assumed my position, watching, a little verklempt at the beauty and elegance of the wedding when SUDDENLY a man in his 90's, with a black Speedo, stood in front of me blocking my view.

There was an entire beach to stand, and he couldn't have missed me laying there...but he stood about 10 inches away from my face. His skin on his ass looked like it was wax and it melted and hung down in ripples like elephant skin. I looked at my BFF in astonishment, couldn't believe that someone would be that rude and stand in front on me, and also couldn't believe any one's ass was that ugly. I puked a little in my mouth. We tried to muffle our laughter in fear of interrupting the wedding. I took a picture of this old mans ass, but it didn't do it justice.

The other amazing thing about Cuba is that, as a smoker, you are not treated like you have leprosy! You can smoke in public, without being shunned or getting dirty looks, or stoned to death. It was an ongoing joke of the week to say 'because I can'. Example, I'm going to have a smoke right her in the lobby, you know why? Because I can. One dinner we went for Cuban food, and to our astonishment there was an ashtray on the table! Remember the days when you could have a smoke in between entrees? We didn't however, because there were people around us that didn't smoke, but after dinner, while enjoying our coffee, we had a know why? because we could!

After dinner we would have a few drinks, but we were exhausted for any night life...BFF probably because she set the alarm for first thing in the morning, and me for the interrupted sleep with the snoring and swearing.

Last day there, we had to find out Jorge's real name, and had to get a picture because no one would believe 'our Latin luvvva' was so hot! sure enough, he can along the beach, and nervy BFF called him over, he was expecting us to buy cigars, but was happy to get a picture taken with us (and BFF's boil). He name was RUBEN...

After packing and heading off to the airport it was sad, but I was so relaxed, so rested, I would definitely suggest to go to Cuba to relax. Cuba is a poor country, and although we drove by the homes where you could see the poverty, people were very happy. It wasn't until I went to the bathroom in the airport did I realize how poor they were. After using the facilities, and washed my hands, there was a woman sitting there handing out 1 tiny sheet of toilet paper to try your hands, for a peso!

We got home very late, and unfortunately there was 2 feet of snow on my car. That is the worst part of coming home. Good thing was I could get home and sleep in my own bed, without the trucker talk serenade while I slept.


  1. Nice you had to mention the boil thanks for that.

  2. pppffffhahahaha...had to...part of the vacation.

  3. Well between your junk and my boil.... don't think we will be welcome to Cuba anytime soon.LMAO Aruba is better!