April 7, 2010

Yesterday was a lesson of I-RUN-EE...today it is AWK-WARD! As much as it was difficult to explain irony, it is simple for awkward...however there are a few different definitions...

1. Lacking dexterity or skill, showing lack of expertise, lacking grace. We all know those kinds of people, that are uncoordinated, tripping over their own feet, can't walk or chew bubble gum. Kinda useless, lacked skill...come to think of it, my first husband! His picture was in the description in Google!

2. Lack of social grace and assurance, causing embarrassment, uncomfortable situation! We have all experienced those AWK-WARD moments. Embarrassing moments. Moments where you would like to crawl in a hole and avoid the awkwardness. Ever forwarded an email to someone in error? Ever get caught talking about someone and they are standing behind you? or awkward silence?

I am going to get on a gas story, and as much as I find them funny, I don't want my readers to think that all I do is pass gas and laugh...I am in my 50's and should grow up...but I had a very awkward moment a few years ago. I really, really had to toot! I went into the lunch room that was behind my work station so I wouldn't embarrass myself or offend anyone. I ran in, didn't see anyone and let one rip that would have made Peter Griffin proud...then I hear some rustling...I looked around the corner and there was a co-worker eating her lunch! She didn't let on what I just did, she looked up and smiled at me and then continued to eat her lunch and read her book! Didn't she hear that? Is she hard of hearing? Was she being classy and ignoring what I did? Didn't she appreciate that fart! It was a beaut! My face was red...I ran out and got back to work. It was never discussed, she never let on she heard it!

Years ago, before the recession, when everyone took hour lunches, had long coffee breaks, maybe did a total of an hours work a day, I spent most of my day pulling pranks on one my friends. She used to do things like leave her gym bag in the washroom on Mondays because she went bowling after work. I filled it up with tampons and pads, a hold puncher, toilet paper, anything I could get my hands on. (In those days the employer used to provide the sanitary needs for their employee's). I went on with my day and completely forgot I did that. The next morning she was venting to some other co-workers that 'someone filled her bag up with a pile of stuff, and when she got to the bowling alley and opened her bag, all the sanitary supplied fell out of her bag' and she was really pisst! AWK-WARD! It was supposed to be a joke, and I was hoping she would have noticed how heavy it was...and actually my plan was to catch her at the door and accuse her of stealing the hole punch!!! I later went to her and admitted what I did, and we laughed.

The same woman for some reason was always my target because she had a good sense of humour, and she didn't feel picked on. One day she mentioned to me that her and her husband were just "simple people", they lived up north and lived a quiet simple life. I wrote on a sticky note "I'M JUST A SIMPLE PERSON' and nonchalantly put it on her back. Again I forgot I did it. I went back to work, and suddenly I noticed that she was walking into the President of the company's office with a tray of coffee! It was at that moment that I remembered her telling me that all the 'big wigs' from U.S. were coming to the office! I jumped up from my desk and ran to try to get the sticky off her back before she went in to serve coffee...I missed her....I stood in the hall red faced...panicking....then from the President's office I hear a roar of laughter!

My friend retreated from the office. Her face was purple from embarrassment. OMG if that wasn't the most awkward moment of 'her' life!? She wasn't mad at me by the way, we laughed about it for years~

Moral of the story, if you are going to pull pranks on someone, they will always blow up in your face, and put you in an AWK-WARD position!